Odd Hygiene
by DarkestAphelion
Summary: Ryou tries to get Yami no Bakura to brush his teeth. Bakura sees the perfect opportunity... to get Ryou’s first kiss. Nervous Ryou and frustrated Bakura. [B x R. Shounen-ai. Fluffy.]


**Summary:** Ryou tries to get Yami no Bakura to brush his teeth. Bakura sees the perfect opportunity... to get Ryou's first kiss. Nervous Ryou and frustrated Bakura. [B x R. Shounen-ai. Fluffy.]  
  
**Disclaimer:** I am only borrowing the characters from Yu-gi-oh! (yuu gi ou, etc.) to make a little story. The plot is mine.  
  
**A/N:** I thought of this one night while I was washing the dishes. Go figure.  
  
**Story note:** Just a tiny bit OOC. Bakura is a little less... evil and aggressive... than usual. But hey, he humors his hikari. Ryou is sarcastic and occasionally mouths off at his yami, but I think it fits him. A bit of language, but PG-13 is fine, I think.

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**Odd Hygiene**

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Yami no Bakura sat on the edge of the bathroom counter, watching his hikari as he went about his evening ritual. Brush the hair, wash the face... take off the sweater, take off the shirt- Bakura smirked- take off the pants... take a shower...  
  
After a while, Ryou came out and toweled off while Bakura obligingly went back into the Ring. Of course, his hikari didn't know that he didn't need to have eyes to be able to see him... but what he didn't know couldn't hurt him.  
  
"All right, Yami," Ryou called out, and Bakura materialized once more. He stood behind Ryou to lean his arms on his shoulders.  
  
"Yami..." Ryou said warningly, before he pulled a string out of a little white box, and stuck it into his mouth.  
  
Bakura eyed him curiously. This was something new.  
  
Not wanting to seem like anything less than all-knowing to his hikari, yet oddly curious about this intrusion into Ryou's mouth, he asked, "What's that?"  
  
"Floss," Ryou replied, his voice somewhat muffled by the hands in front of his mouth. "I couldn't find it for a really long time... they didn't stock this flavor that I like. Apple-pear... mmph, ouch... I don't like all those Western-style minty ones... Yugi found some for me..."  
  
Bakura nodded distractedly as his hikari mumbled on, feeling jealous of the floss.  
  
Damn. The boy was cute even when he was flossing his teeth. Oh wait... he was done. Now he would probably brush his teeth... yes, he was getting out his toothbrush, toothpaste, spreading citrusy green paste on the white bristles. How did Bakura know what the toothpaste tasted like? He had eaten a tube of it one time... ey, he thought it was that "candy" stuff that his hikari and friends liked.  
  
Wasn't half-bad, actually. Although the mouthwash was better.  
  
Bakura watched avidly as Ryou worked up a mouthful of white bubbles, humming to himself as he pushed the toothbrush in and out of his mouth. That mouth. Stupid bubbles... can't see it properly, now.  
  
Ryou spit out and washed his mouth, gargling with the water and cleaning his toothbrush. He hung it back up on the rack attached to the wall and finally looked at Bakura.  
  
"I don't see why you disapprove of all this," he said. "Don't you get tired of being dirty all the time?"  
  
"I'm not dirty!" Bakura protested, hiding a smirk. _Well, not in the way that you're thinking..._  
  
"You should brush your teeth, at least," said Ryou. "Your mouth is probably filthy."  
  
"My mouth is none of your business," said Bakura. He paused. "Unless you want it to be..." He moved in to wrap his arms around Ryou's waist. Ryou "eep!ed" and twisted out of his grasp.  
  
"Yami!" he said.  
  
Taking this as a good sign, Bakura moved in to intercept. He smirked down at Ryou in what he thought was the sexiest way imaginable. "So then, hikari, since you're all clean..."  
  
He snaked his right arm around Ryou's waist, the other resting on his hips. For a brief, happy moment, Bakura imagined that little Ryou was melting in his arms. Ryou looked up at him (since his head only went past Bakura's shoulders) with glowing eyes, and said...  
  
"Eyuck! Yami, your teeth are _disgusting_!"  
  
_What?!_ Bakura wanted to scream. He snuck a look in the mirror. Hey! His teeth weren't that bad... a little yellow around the edges, maybe, but nothing that merited an 'eyuck'.  
  
"You're too clean," growled Bakura. "Now, before we were interrupted..."  
  
Ryou smirked up at him. _Hmm,_ thought Bakura, _where did that kid learn to smirk? ...Oh._ "If you think you're going to kiss me- and that's what you were doing before, correct- with a mouth like that, you've got another thought coming," he said.  
  
"Smart mouth," remarked Bakura.  
  
"I'm being serious, yami!" Ryou resisted the urge to stamp his foot.  
  
Bakura thought. "Well," he said, "if I do let you... 'brush' me... then you'll kiss me."  
  
Ryou looked taken aback.  
  
"What?" said Bakura. "It's a perfectly reasonable proposition. If we eliminate the reason you hesitate to kiss me, then there's no reason why you shouldn't kiss me."  
  
"Uh... yami. In case you haven't noticed, we're both kind of... male," said Ryou.  
  
"Yes, but I'm just the evil spiritual extension of you," said Bakura. "If you ever have romantic relations with me, you won't be guilty of homosexuality, only narcissism."  
  
"Your logic is frightening," said Ryou sarcastically. Bakura glared at him with his I'll-send-you-to-the-shadow-realm eyes. "All right! Ok, fine! I'll do it."  
  
"Good hikari," said Bakura, patting him on the head.  
  
Ryou made a face. "Ok, where is that spare toothbrush...?" He rummaged around the bathroom shelves and cabinets, emerging finally with a fluorescent blue stick. "Sorry about the color," he said apologetically. "But it's all I've got."  
  
Bakura waited impatiently as Ryou slathered liberal amounts of toothpaste on the brush, and handed it to him. He looked at the brush curiously. "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked. Ryou glared. "Ah, ah, ah, hikari," he said with a grin. "As I remember, part of the deal was _you_ brushing my teeth. Not me."  
  
"God hates me," Ryou muttered. "Fine."  
  
He stuck the brush into Bakura's mouth, somewhat harder than the spirit had expected. Feeling the toothbrush poke him in the gums as it made its way through his mouth, Bakura resisted the urge to bite down on it. On impulse, he grabbed the handle away from Ryou and pulled the toothbrush out of his mouth.  
  
"Yami! No, that's disgusting!" protested Ryou.  
  
Bakura waved the brush around, scattering little drops of white foam through the air. "What, this?" he taunted.  
  
Ryou's eyes widened in horror. "No! My clean bathroom!" he shrieked, lunging forward to grab the toothbrush.  
  
Bakura took the opportunity to 'accidentally slip' and fall back onto the wall, Ryou falling with a thump against his chest. "Not so fast, hikari," he said through a mouthful of suds. Argh. He left Ryou, momentarily, to wash out his mouth.  
  
Ryou sighed. "Well, I guess you're a little presentable, now."  
  
"Good," said Bakura, taking hold of Ryou's collar and dragging him closer. He noted that the hikari had that deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. Perfect. He leaned in closer and pressed his lips down on Ryou's slightly- open-in-shock mouth._ One... two... three... four..._  
  
_I wonder if he's counting_, thought Ryou, before Bakura pulled away. "That wasn't as bad as I had imagined," he admitted, but Bakura only scowled.  
  
"Wasn't as bad? That doesn't sound very good to me," said Bakura.  
  
"Eh..." Ryou grinned sheepishly. "Well, it was all right. I don't really have anything to compare it to."  
  
Now, Bakura was the king of kissing... well, he knew it, anyway! Damn that Yami no Malik for challenging him to that kissing contest... made a fool out of himself right in front of Yami Yugi... Well. He was the king of kissing. And the thought that Ryou wouldn't even be fazed by a kiss from him hadn't even crossed his mind.  
  
"Shouldn't have said that, hikari," he smirked. "Now I'm going to have to give you something to compare it to."  
  
He had to force himself to slow down as he put a hand behind Ryou's head and pulled him so that their faces were within an inch of each other. Smiling, he brushed his lips against the other's... gently, he deepened the kiss, letting his tongue slide out and run along Ryou's lower lip like it was candy (or toothpaste).  
  
Ryou let out a muffled sound as Bakura's tongue forced its way into his mouth, roaming around and playing with his own. He hesitantly put a hand on Bakura's shoulder as he went on tiptoes to be the same height as his yami, pressing their bodies together. Bakura felt every nerve in his body that was touching Ryou's.  
  
Bakura broke away, gasping for air. "Damn... human body..." he breathed. "Ra! You've never kissed anyone before?"  
  
"No..." said Ryou. "Why?"  
  
Bakura was at a loss. That kid was a better natural kisser than he was! He shook his head to clear his thoughts. "So was that better?" Bakura asked sarcastically.  
  
Ryou nodded quickly. "I'd have to say that the first kiss was a bit less than all right, now." He stuck his tongue out at Bakura.  
  
Tongue. What a pretty little tongue. It really fit Ryou... light pink, just the tip of it waggling from side to side. Not all white and disgusting like his own... maybe there was something to this hygiene business after all. What he wouldn't give for that delicious tongue to be in his mouth, on his neck, licking its way down his chest and...  
  
And then Bakura saw Ryou looking at him with a smirk.  
  
Damn hikari. Learned too fast. Well, he wasn't about to let Ryou have the upper hand for long. Bakura smirked at him. "Good. Now that I'm clean, how long will it be until I can get into your pants?"  
  
Ryou's eyes went as big as bars of soap. His mouth opened and closed several times before he yelled, "YAMI!" and ran out of the room.  
  
Bakura cursed. Ryou had seemed happy enough after the kiss. Guess it was the wrong time to bring that up. Who knows how long it would be until he could get Ryou out from under the bed... and onto it? Ra! He'd probably have to take a bath.

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**End.**

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**A/N:** Bah. Well, I hope that wasn't too weird. I have to stop doing humor fics, really... mmph. For those of you who watch the Japanese anime, do Yuugi and his friends, and Kaiba, call Tristain and Duke (Honda and Otogi) by their first or last names? I need to know for another story...

Asian people actually do have fruit-flavored toothpaste. At least the ones I know. Hmm, I think apple-pear would be rather good, actually. Better than that weird cinnamon stuff that's out now.

Review, please. I want to know what you think- all of you!

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Plot bunny---- =( )=  
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